Do you Validate?

Do you validate others? Do you feel the need to be validated? The definition of validation is to check or prove the accuracy of something; to demonstrate or support the truth or value of. Some synonyms are confirm, justify, vindicate, authenticate, endorse, approve, legitimize. I think we all feel the need to be validated...approved of...in some way. I'm not a psychologist, so I'm not speaking from an educated standpoint, I'm just a person who has experienced, and has seen others, wanting to be accepted, affirmed, approved of.

I know probably most of you reading this are coming from Instagram which means you follow my postings, which are beauty related, which brings me to the next point. Do we buy/wear makeup to get approval from others? To feel validated by others? Or do we do it because it makes us feel better? Because it makes us feel "acceptable" to ourselves? Either way we are looking for validation, whether from others or from ourselves.

I am certainly not going to sit here and say, hey, no need, stop wearing makeup, throw away all your makeup and run, be free, makeupless forever!!! Yeah, right....not happening. What I am saying is don't tie up your identity in what you look like or what you own. If you enjoy wearing makeup then wear it, but please don't think that by putting on makeup it makes you a better, or worse person. Makeup does NOT validate you. Your looks, your appearance, do NOT validate you. And as hard as it may seem, other people DO NOT VALIDATE YOU!!! I know it feels good when we get "likes" on our photos or our posts, and sometimes it's a bit disappointing when the people you think are closest to you don't "like" or even acknowledge your posts, but they DO NOT VALIDATE YOU!!

I remember back in high school, you know, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, that it broke my heart when people who I thought were my friends said and did things behind my back to hurt me or create an unreal, but unfortunately accepted, reputation of me. I began forming a very hard shell not letting people in and projecting an image of a "strong" person. Actually, I wasn't strong, I was either outwardly mean or cold, but it took years and years for me to realize that.

Let me back up even a little further. I was raised by a single mother. I never had contact with my father. I'm pretty sure if he had been in my life things would be different today, but I'm not saying they would be better. I'm saying they would be different. It's like when you're traveling, if you take a left you go one way, if you take a right you see something different. That's what I'm saying. I would have been on a different path, and I would be a different person....not necessarily better, not necessarily worse. So anyway, back to my single mom....she always projected to me that you can't depend on anyone else, you have to be strong, don't let people walk over you, etc. etc. So to me, strong meant keeping people out. Don't show anyone your soft side. And then, of course, when I would let people in, and they would inevitably do or say something that hurt, I would build that wall higher and wider and "stronger".

Ok, so now flash forward about 20 years and you find me....a woman who puts out the image that she is tough, strong, doesn't take crap from anyone, has it all together, blah, blah, blah. But on the inside I was very unhappy. I hated the things I was doing and I hated how I treated other people and I was riddled with guilt. I was blessed enough, although I didn't realize it at the time, to work with a man who was an awesome Christian. He never said to me, oh Danielle you're a horrible sinner and you need to get Jesus in your life! No, he was just a super nice, caring, compassionate man who led an awesome example and made me want the peace he had in his life. I began reading the Bible and one night, all alone in my house, I broke down and sobbed hysterically and asked God to please save me from myself and to help me. His peace came over me and I stopped crying and went to sleep. The next morning I went into work and said to my coworker...I think I became a Christian last night! LOL

My journey as a Christian has not been smooth sailing, trust me. I'll get into that more later, but I was under the impression that once you became a Christian everything was solved and everything was easy.....not the case people! It is a journey with bumps and bruises and twists and turns. But the one thing I have learned is that people don't validate me. They don't make me acceptable. And I don't validate me. I can't make me acceptable. The only one who can make me acceptable is Jesus! He is the one who cleans my soul. He is the one who is there for me every minute of every day when I'm doing well and when I'm falling on my face. He is the one who says "well done" and He is the one that, I believe in my heart, shakes His head with a smile and reaches out His hand to me when I stumble and fall and says, come on child, try again. He is ever-present, and ever-loving and if you don't know Him you are missing out! If you want to meet Him, it's super simple, and I guarantee He will come into your life and validate you too. It's as simple as just praying to Him and asking for His forgiveness and asking Him to cleanse you and to come into your life. Every prayer is different. Mine was simply, God help me, I need you, I don't want to be like this anymore. I know some people might say, well that's not the "sinner's prayer", but I know that God looks at our heart and He knew and He saved me.

If you're not comfortable with that, if you need specific words, that's ok too, but I'm telling you God knows our heart and that's what He looks at. If you want specific words to pray, and you truly want Jesus in your life, pray something like this:

Father God, I am a sinner, and I know it, and I don't want to be one anymore. I know Jesus is your son, and He is the way to my salvation. I ask you for your forgiveness and I ask Jesus to come into my life and save me.

I guarantee if you ask Him, He will. Things will not be perfect, they might not even be easy, but He is there every single moment of every single day and He will get you through it. I pray that you are His and I pray that you have a blessed, and beautiful day!

2 Corinthians 10:17-18New International Version (NIV)

¹⁷ But, “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”^{[a] 18} For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.

Romans 12:1-3New International Version (NIV)

 12 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.