I knew it had been awhile since I posted anything but I didn't realize just how long until now. It's been sixteen days. Funny thing is part of me feels like it's been even longer than that. The last couple of weeks of my life have been incredibly stressful. And unlike so many people, I can't even attribute it to anything in particular. There have been no life altering events to create this stress. It has all been me. Me in my head, creating situations that may or may not be there. Making things more important than they truly are or have to be. And because of this I have put aside the things I love, like writing.
I have not been blogging for long at all but I do find it sort of cathartic, so then why, when I am feeling stressed, anxious, angry, irritable, sad, whatever, why then do I stop? Why do I push it away as "extra", or "not needed"? Why do any of us do those things? It seems like when we need those things in our lives that bring us the most joy, or help us relax, those are the first things we push away to accomplish those other things in our lives that bring us anxiety, stress, whatever. Surely I can't be alone in this? At least I hope not.
I have found that when I am faced with a situation that I feel is stressful I want to dive in to it and get it over with so I can then spend time doing the things I love. The problem with that is it just doesn't work! Those stressful things will always be there, and it seems as though they multiply exponentially. I have often joked that I swear I can't leave two pieces of paper touching on my desk when I leave work at night because if I do, when I come back in the morning they have had babies, they have multiplied. I have found that my thought process of getting the stressful things done first, before the relaxing or enjoyable things, is backwards. I should relax first, in order to help me be better prepared for those other things. Unfortunately, in this world, that is often difficult.
It's hard to get up even earlier to spend time writing, or more importantly in prayer, to prepare us for the events that we will face in the day. We tell ourselves thirty more minutes of sleep is better and we will be more relaxed, but it's not true. If that works for you then that is awesome but it is definitely not working for me. If I try to just jump right into the day it's like throwing me in to the deep end of a super cold pool. The shock and almost panicky feel of I have to hurry up and get out of here. The struggle to swim to the shallow end where I can stand on my own two feet and easily get out. I know that might sound crazy but that's how it feels.
On the other hand, if I start my day slowly, calmly, in prayer and reading my Bible or devotional, it uplifts me and fills me with a peace and an energy to help me deal better. I know this, and yet I still fail to do it. I still lie in bed and think thirty more minutes. And then later during the day, when I am at my most stressed point, I think why didn't I just take a few minutes this morning. And then to make it worse, I still don't just stop and take a few minutes then. And yet, those times that I do actually take those moments and pray, or read my devotional, I am always amazed at the calmness and peace He brings me. Even Jesus, our best example, started his day with prayer.
Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.
But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.
I hope this blog is not a "downer". I'm truly not trying for it to be. I just want you to know that even though I know the things that are helpful for me I still struggle, and I still don't do them.
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
I want you to know that if you are the same way as me, don't condemn yourself, as I often condemn myself, that just makes it worse. When you come to the realization that you, yourself, are doing things, or allowing things in your life that are creating stress, chaos, or unhappiness, don't continue to blame yourself. Don't even blame those other things, or people. Instead, take a deep breath and talk to God. Ask Him to give you peace and the ability to deal with those challenges. Trust me, He will definitely bring you back to a place closer to Him. He wants to! He wants you near Him. He wants you to trust Him with every aspect of your life. He wants to be your best friend, your closest ally, your helper, your defender, your EVERYTHING!
I pray that this has been helpful for you, as it has been for me. I pray you grow closer to Him each and every day and remember this world is just one small moment of time. It's not worth it to waste even one breath being angry or stressed. Easier said than done, I know, but still the truth. I pray you all have a blessed and beautiful day. I pray this has been a blessing for you. And I pray you join me in this journey.
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you
James 4:10
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
James 4:14
Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
